Random thoughts (also known as a blog)

Such simple words that hide so much complexity for many. Of course some people don’t try at all. We have all heard stories of the one night stand leading to a lovely surprise (or perhaps shock) 9 months later. And sadly we all may know (or be) someone who has been “trying” for years and has not yet given birth to a baby. And the heartache along the way.

It is one of the toughest challenges a couple or individual may face and yet it isn’t really everyday conversation. So many important topics in our lives seem like that to me. It often seems that so many of us are wandering around with secrets that we think no one else would understand and the crazy thing is that we all have them. Perhaps they are not the same secrets, but we have all known suffering of some kind. But I digress…..

A woman (and her partner) may experience so many difficult feelings in relation to fertility. It really can be quite a rollercoaster and none of us is probably prepared well for dealing with it. Excitement, anxiety, disappointment, sadness, anger and perhaps other less obvious feelings such as guilt and shame may come along on the fertility journey. And these feelings are all completely, 100% normal. And tough to have. Perhaps really tough – especially if you have been out there “trying” for a long time.

The whole fertility / pregnancy thing is more like a marathon than a sprint too and most of us are not geared up for marathons. (Personally I can think of nothing worse than running an actual marathon!). So a good deal of TLC, support from loved ones, time out to not analyze, discuss, nor focus on getting pregnant may all be important. And a lot of tissues! It is entirely normal and appropriate I believe to experience a range of feelings that at times may feel overwhelming. And that can also be tiring. Talk to your partner too. He (or she) may not be able to guess how you are feeling and sharing this might help them to appreciate what is going on for you. It is a common myth in relationships that our partner “should” know how we feel…..dangerous stuff! None of us are mind readers.

It may also be important to make sure you and your partner go out and have fun. Many couples find that sex becomes very stressful and that it is hard to be spontaneous about it when you need to watch the body clock so closely. Ideally there are times for romance, intimacy and hopefully sex that are well away from the time of ovulation. And if that is too hard – a good DVD or movie or walk in a beautiful place may be just what you need. Fresh air and seeing that there is a world around us can occasionally do wonders!

by Louise Shepherd